Just A Drive

I want my driver's license.

I just wanna drive.

Remember: 10/30/2012

I'll forever remember this day as that day I just broke down into pieces, knowing deep inside, despite of everything I can do to smile, feel happy, to just want to be normal, I won't be able to do that. I just don't want to live like this anymore. Fuck choices. I just want to say that I'm genuinely happy. Is that too much to ask.

Public Scrutiny and Social Media

I have now realized why I am not very ecstatic whenever I would be starting writing blog posts again. Well, after few centuries of self-denial and self-deprecation, I have come in terms with the fact that, I don't like my blog since it's not as funny as I thought Ace Ventura should be.

(Did I just make correct references or I still suck at doing those)

But then, it might seem a bit off that I am engaging in a very intellectual conversation with my self, knowing that the only replies that I will get are from my own self-proclaimed wit and humor. Yes, I do talk to myself a lot, and I tend to be very good at it, rather, very good at feeding myself thoughts that I think and what my brain would conceive to be correct. Perhaps that would be the case, but I am not one to tell and to judge.

People who, by some mistake or by some miracle of the Lord would read my title would think that I would be tackling some area of concern that is very relevant nowadays. Well, i think I am not making much sense if I tell them that those would be the first five things that are in my mind as of the moment.

Well, I might as well waste my time on trying to make coherent explanations on what are my views on public scrutiny as well as in social media.

(Sigh)

Well, for a fact, I have no right to discuss what public scrutiny is since I am not very familiar with the topic, let alone discuss it in full length (unless I would opt to copy paste from different "reliable sources"). But all I know is that public scrutiny would be the idea on how one. hjfkhjksadhfkiahfjsiadfkjdslkgfsakdgjklsajglkad.

Ok, as of this moment, I have lost my momentum, my fervor as well as my train of thought to as why I would be writing such. I am at lost for words as of the the moment and I again blame my brain that seems to be very dysfunctional this past few weeks because of I dunno, alcohol or nicotine.

I probably should stop as of the moment while I am doing brain laps to be able to coherently think of something else that is also worth the waste of my time. Hopefully I didn't waste your.

Ciao

Just A Request

One request that I have recently.

I want you to be my girl again.


There. I said it.

Degrading Ideas

So I realized that I only have 40 posts in this blog of mine and "ang kapal naman ng mukha ko" to raise my hand everytime someone would ask if someone has a blog.

Yes, you might argue that technically I have a blog in all, but in my mind, I consider you're argument very much invalid even if you still persist to present me with objective and definitive proof of why this is a blog. Again yes, this is technically a blog, but I don't consider it a blog unless its populated by the whole lot of my ideas, and oh, populated by more than 10% of my brain usage (I don't believe the fact that an average normal being only utilizes 10% of his or her brain, that's like, so unbelievable).

I just had a "conyo" moment there, sorry about that.

Oh yes, going back. I'm really disappointed with my so-called blog. The earlier posts contain seriously disturbed thoughts, mid-posts contain too-corny posts that if I read it again, I myself would die of embarrassment and the later posts which contains unstructured and just random thoughts. See, something is wrong with this blog. I could even gave Shakespeare a run for his money (whatever that means). And I also remembered that I made a posts on the promises that I would want to do regarding this blog. But then boom, promises are really meant to be broken, "saktong-politiko-sa-bansa-lang-ah".

At this point on, I don't want to make false promises again. I just want to write again, like what I used to do (but not really often). I would want to structure my thoughts and be able to write in something that when some stray people would be able to read it, they might take an ounce of pride in what I wrote since they were moved, they were able to relate, or they were just plainly entertained.

Oh, did I mention that I should also be writing in Tagalog as well, combination of Filipino Pride kicking in and there a better comic relief in using the main vernacular. Reaches a larger audience and you get to encrypt messages and foreigners would just complain of racism.

Ciao. Maybe later I'll write again.

P.S
Oh SNAP! I made another promise. *makes straight face*

Proud To Be Filipino. Oh Really Now?

Oh yeah, it's always on the buzz recently, with all of the Manny Pacquiao, Charice and Arnel Pineda making all the headlines, you couldnt help but feel proud of yourself being FILIPINO.

And this just it, I'm so proud that I'm a Filipino after the "Philippine" Football team Azkals won against Sri Lanka for the elimination for the World Fifa Finals. (I think some of the information there are wrong, but thats not the point here.) My biggest congratulations to the team, and for the Philippines for having another achievement for the country.

But here's the thought, a lotta people are saying that they are proud to be Filipino in twitter. Nothing wrong with that, just some nationalistic pride kicking in, nothing wrong with that if you yourself are always proud of your own lineage. Of course people are only proud that they are Filipino when something good about the Philippines come in the headlines. But when you see anything that further deteriorates or destroys the image of the Philippines to the whole world, you'll find most of them saying that they'd be better off if they were in another country or just support the entire claim and wouldnt do anything to change the current state.

I know I'm not making any much sense right now, but I'd appreciate it more if you continue to be proud that you are a Filipino despite the towering garbage in the Smokey Mountains or the impoverished faces of our kababayans in the slums. And it would count more if you would be thinking of ways on how to put a solution to these problems.

Nationalism doesn't just end with you being proud of our achievements or the achievements of other Filipinos, but you also think of ways on how to alleviate the state of the country. And I think that has a deeper and profound sense of being rather than just joining the bandwagon of supporting those who are already popular but just make a name for the Philippines, but never make any solutions for change.

And if you are curious why I placed quotes on Philippines when referring to the team, its because the composition of the teams as well as their lineage are not entirely Pinoy, does Younghusband sound Manila-ish to you. Pero I think thats kinda irrelevant right now.


Pero, thats just food for thought.

Social Angst 1: Hating The Nothing But Yourself

So I just saw this picture of me, and how I can see that my emotional maturity hasn't even change on a very large scale. Well, I thought I could disprove a lot of facts about myself, but sometimes, really, its still the same. Yes, I'm a very maladaptive guy (according to PERSEF3) and I have tendencies to create different faces depending on the situation.

Of course, I end up hurting myself a lot big time. And yah, I'm starting to regret a lot of decisions that I ended up doing this year. I wanna quit some, but I don't want them to reflect on me. Of course, its a lot of benefits for me in the long run, but I'm no longer enjoying.


Urgh, I'm confused now and I don't know what I'm writing anymore. I confused because I don't know why and I don't wanna care, but I don't wanna let it boil up either. I hate my life right now. I hate seeing people right now. I'm back to my destructive self. I hate the sad reality of what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm hating again and I swore I'd never hate again.

I just wanna punch someone randomly in the face. I wanna punch the mirror. I just wanna feel pain, then just wallow up in the back like some lost dog.

Fuck this life. I wanna sleep and wake up when all of this is over.

Sometimes, screw the thought that I started this, then I should end this. Stop now please.