Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Knowing
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
So Does My Heart
When Will Pain End
When Will My Wounds Mend
We continue living in this world of lies, not knowing that we too are both the victims and the suspects of the same crime.
The truth is as bleak as the future. Its incomprehensible, its enigmatic, yet its not real.
A Lie, it is just a LIE.
Monday, January 26, 2009
2009 : Resolutions and Cliches
Its the start of a new year once again ladies ad gentlemen, and word on the street is, its going to be a lucky green year because its the year of the earth ox.
*I thought that since its the EARTH ox, it couldve been brown.*
Anywho. The start of the new year, well, triggers the quite funny antics of people who wish to clamor for change and want to start the new year right. People often promise to do this to a certain extent, but ends up breaking the promise after an unforeseen circumstance. Filipino's are quite fond of this antic, and so does the rest of the world. They call it their new years resolution, but I call it a cliche.
Every year, its like part of an ancient Filipino New Year tradition, the media noche, the making of those irritating noises when midnight strikes, the creepy polkadot dress and shirts, the frantic running just to open all the lights in the house, the illogical jumping up and down just to gain some height, and, ah,yes, the new years resolution.
"Oh, you know mommy, i have a new years resolution up my sleeve...*with eyes whose expression was like she found her doll that was ravaged by racoons*"
"What is it baby?? *with all the weird enthusiasm of a mother*"
"I wont lie anymore... *better hope his fingers were crossed*"
And so many other resolutions like this kept on harping and being heard all over the town, like so and so would not drink anymore (but would eventually drink when there is an "occassion"), and that so and so would be faithful, would try harder on his or her studies, would stop loving, would work hard, and other mundane stuff that they speak of.
Truly, it is the more brilliant example that it is easier said than done.
You know what I mean, these people *including me for the record* would babble up somr random stuff that he or wishes to do in order to attain change. New Years Resolution in fact are one of te most effective avenues where one couldve seen the things where they really do have flaws, and one of the many ways in which people would want to strive for change either for the betterment of themselves or the people around them in general.
But what is wrong in this scenario is that, you have to wait for 365 day intervention in order for people to wish change for themselves. They isolated themselves in an idea that "hey, its a new year, maybe I should change my attitude". Their sole distinct mark for change is just to wait for a new year so that there could be change.
What if the country was like that. What if the Philippines wanted to change the way the economy operates for the betterment, but would still wait for that 365 day time line.
Like the rest of the things that God created in this world, we could only attain the change we want if would do it in a daily basis, not just a one time big time promise that only happens once a year. If we would like something to improve within ourselves so that we could become better citizens of our nation and better children of God, we might as well try to find our humane faults and try to deal with them, like the saying, strike while the iron is hot. We must try to reduce the faults that we have into a minimal level so that it does not accumulate to anymore mistakes that we would likely do in the future. Why wait for a 365 day period just to see the many faults that you have already accumulated, where in one day at a time, you couldve changed it, and become a better person at the end of the year, and emerge as an even better person at its start.
All people do want to babble up things for the betterment of themselves, but they neglect the fact that change does not happen in a day. It takes a serious amount of time to achieve the thing or the change that you want, be it minute or ginormous. Its a step by step account on what are the things that we want to do just to achieve that change.
We might not as well strive for divine intervention or extreme enlightenment, but just random acts that would compound to the change we desire would be our best means, rather than resorting to such fallacies(?) like resolutions.
Are we still up for resolutions?
I know i'm not.
*I thought that since its the EARTH ox, it couldve been brown.*
Anywho. The start of the new year, well, triggers the quite funny antics of people who wish to clamor for change and want to start the new year right. People often promise to do this to a certain extent, but ends up breaking the promise after an unforeseen circumstance. Filipino's are quite fond of this antic, and so does the rest of the world. They call it their new years resolution, but I call it a cliche.
Every year, its like part of an ancient Filipino New Year tradition, the media noche, the making of those irritating noises when midnight strikes, the creepy polkadot dress and shirts, the frantic running just to open all the lights in the house, the illogical jumping up and down just to gain some height, and, ah,yes, the new years resolution.
"Oh, you know mommy, i have a new years resolution up my sleeve...*with eyes whose expression was like she found her doll that was ravaged by racoons*"
"What is it baby?? *with all the weird enthusiasm of a mother*"
"I wont lie anymore... *better hope his fingers were crossed*"
And so many other resolutions like this kept on harping and being heard all over the town, like so and so would not drink anymore (but would eventually drink when there is an "occassion"), and that so and so would be faithful, would try harder on his or her studies, would stop loving, would work hard, and other mundane stuff that they speak of.
Truly, it is the more brilliant example that it is easier said than done.
You know what I mean, these people *including me for the record* would babble up somr random stuff that he or wishes to do in order to attain change. New Years Resolution in fact are one of te most effective avenues where one couldve seen the things where they really do have flaws, and one of the many ways in which people would want to strive for change either for the betterment of themselves or the people around them in general.
But what is wrong in this scenario is that, you have to wait for 365 day intervention in order for people to wish change for themselves. They isolated themselves in an idea that "hey, its a new year, maybe I should change my attitude". Their sole distinct mark for change is just to wait for a new year so that there could be change.
What if the country was like that. What if the Philippines wanted to change the way the economy operates for the betterment, but would still wait for that 365 day time line.
Like the rest of the things that God created in this world, we could only attain the change we want if would do it in a daily basis, not just a one time big time promise that only happens once a year. If we would like something to improve within ourselves so that we could become better citizens of our nation and better children of God, we might as well try to find our humane faults and try to deal with them, like the saying, strike while the iron is hot. We must try to reduce the faults that we have into a minimal level so that it does not accumulate to anymore mistakes that we would likely do in the future. Why wait for a 365 day period just to see the many faults that you have already accumulated, where in one day at a time, you couldve changed it, and become a better person at the end of the year, and emerge as an even better person at its start.
All people do want to babble up things for the betterment of themselves, but they neglect the fact that change does not happen in a day. It takes a serious amount of time to achieve the thing or the change that you want, be it minute or ginormous. Its a step by step account on what are the things that we want to do just to achieve that change.
We might not as well strive for divine intervention or extreme enlightenment, but just random acts that would compound to the change we desire would be our best means, rather than resorting to such fallacies(?) like resolutions.
Are we still up for resolutions?
I know i'm not.
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Northern Downpour and The Moon
The sky was crying its usual tears, like tomorrow was a day that would lay dead over its own resiliency. Walking along the rivers that escaped their deprecation from their origins, I too was escaping my own deprecations that consumes my very light.
"If all our life is but a dream
Fantastic posing greed
Then we should feed our jewelery to the sea
For diamonds do appear to be
Just like broken glass to me"
Like life on the verge of seeing illusions and fallacies. I see people, consumed by their own selfishness, sinking to the hollow depths on nothing that encompasses their return to mortality. I too was being consumed by the same mundane force that drives no one to sweet sanity. Yet, its still not pushing me down, for I was still holding on to something that, as dreary as the summer's light, was still there, reaching, grasping.
"And then she said she can't believe
Genius only comes along
In storms of fabled foreign tongues
Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs
Northern downpour sends its love"
Intelligence was what people always clamored for, not knowing that intelligence itself was with people all along. A fallacy popularized to be hide in stealth among its seekers. Knowledge was abundant, but we still search for it. It is already standing at our front, in a box, covered in pristine gold of wavering infidelity, but we insist on searching for it beyond our eyes reach. We are already too much engulfed in our humane sorrow and selfishness that we didnt know that we are already falling down.
"Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down"
Down, down, went the rain that washes over our dignity and our sanity. We are being pursued by our sins due to our attempts to climb up the pedestal of false promises. We continue to fall down, forgetting resiliency, forgetting sanity, forgetting life.
Sugarcane in the easy mornin'
Weathervanes my one and lonely
The doom is not promising, for the light of the eternal glory is making bleak responses over our shouts. The light is not deaf, nor are we mute, but we fail to acknowldge the fact of our indifference. The light is already shining, yet we turn blind to the truth we see, we clamor for for the fallacy that we are seemingly being consumed.
The ink is running toward the page
It's chasin' off the days
Look back at boat feet
And that winding knee
I missed your skin when you were east
You clicked your heels and wished for me
We were moving away from our real destination. We are so close to the end of our verses yet we say that we are far. We avoid the lesser of all evils and prefer the ones that stain our hands with blood after dusk has paved its way over the shores of our mundane thinkings. We slowly swim to the shore thinking that we could be saved while we are already being eaten by the sharks of our sins. Placid was the waters but we insist on its blind clarity. We cover up for the greater evil and accuse the lesser evils of the lies.
Through playful lips made of yarn
That fragile Capricorn
Unraveled words like moths upon old scarves
I know the world's a broken bone
But melt your headaches, call it home
We seek home, but home is within ourselves. We are already blind. We are already mute. For we forgot to see the things that lie within our horizons. We were so busy seeking that bounty of the world beyond the sun-filled horizon. We continue to be inflicted by our defects, and we continue to deprecate in our attempts for survival.
Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down
Sugarcane in the easy mornin'
Weathervanes my one and lonely
Sugarcane (hey moon) in
(Hey moon) the easy mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my
(Hey moon) one and lonely
Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)
The easy (hey moon) mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)
One (hey moon) and lonely
Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)
The easy (hey moon) mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)
One (hey moon) and lonely
Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down
You are at the top of my lungs
Drawn to the ones who never yawn
Alas, the end has reached its death. But when will our insanity ever put to a halt.
"If all our life is but a dream
Fantastic posing greed
Then we should feed our jewelery to the sea
For diamonds do appear to be
Just like broken glass to me"
Like life on the verge of seeing illusions and fallacies. I see people, consumed by their own selfishness, sinking to the hollow depths on nothing that encompasses their return to mortality. I too was being consumed by the same mundane force that drives no one to sweet sanity. Yet, its still not pushing me down, for I was still holding on to something that, as dreary as the summer's light, was still there, reaching, grasping.
"And then she said she can't believe
Genius only comes along
In storms of fabled foreign tongues
Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs
Northern downpour sends its love"
Intelligence was what people always clamored for, not knowing that intelligence itself was with people all along. A fallacy popularized to be hide in stealth among its seekers. Knowledge was abundant, but we still search for it. It is already standing at our front, in a box, covered in pristine gold of wavering infidelity, but we insist on searching for it beyond our eyes reach. We are already too much engulfed in our humane sorrow and selfishness that we didnt know that we are already falling down.
"Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down"
Down, down, went the rain that washes over our dignity and our sanity. We are being pursued by our sins due to our attempts to climb up the pedestal of false promises. We continue to fall down, forgetting resiliency, forgetting sanity, forgetting life.
Sugarcane in the easy mornin'
Weathervanes my one and lonely
The doom is not promising, for the light of the eternal glory is making bleak responses over our shouts. The light is not deaf, nor are we mute, but we fail to acknowldge the fact of our indifference. The light is already shining, yet we turn blind to the truth we see, we clamor for for the fallacy that we are seemingly being consumed.
The ink is running toward the page
It's chasin' off the days
Look back at boat feet
And that winding knee
I missed your skin when you were east
You clicked your heels and wished for me
We were moving away from our real destination. We are so close to the end of our verses yet we say that we are far. We avoid the lesser of all evils and prefer the ones that stain our hands with blood after dusk has paved its way over the shores of our mundane thinkings. We slowly swim to the shore thinking that we could be saved while we are already being eaten by the sharks of our sins. Placid was the waters but we insist on its blind clarity. We cover up for the greater evil and accuse the lesser evils of the lies.
Through playful lips made of yarn
That fragile Capricorn
Unraveled words like moths upon old scarves
I know the world's a broken bone
But melt your headaches, call it home
We seek home, but home is within ourselves. We are already blind. We are already mute. For we forgot to see the things that lie within our horizons. We were so busy seeking that bounty of the world beyond the sun-filled horizon. We continue to be inflicted by our defects, and we continue to deprecate in our attempts for survival.
Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down
Sugarcane in the easy mornin'
Weathervanes my one and lonely
Sugarcane (hey moon) in
(Hey moon) the easy mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my
(Hey moon) one and lonely
Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)
The easy (hey moon) mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)
One (hey moon) and lonely
Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)
The easy (hey moon) mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)
One (hey moon) and lonely
Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down
You are at the top of my lungs
Drawn to the ones who never yawn
Alas, the end has reached its death. But when will our insanity ever put to a halt.
Friday, December 5, 2008
Love Story
Valentines Day is very near, and you could feel the love in the air - couples kissing, hugging, walking while holding hands, exchanging of flowers and chocolates and all sorts of crap that these lovebirds do just to show there affection.
Radio's are already being bombarded by songs that tell about love *sweet love - sigh*. Ranking number four on RX 93.1 is a song by Taylor Swift entitled Love Story.
In a nutshell, the song talks about a couple blablabla who fell in love. *By the way, love = crap*
I'll pose the lyrics for the boy version of the song, even though it pains me just reading the lyrics.
We were both young when you first saw me.
You closed your eyes and the flashback starts:
You're standing there on a balcony in summer air.
I See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
And See me make my way through the crowd
to say hello;
Little did you know
That I was Romeo; and was throwing pebbles,
And your daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."
And you were crying on the staircase,
begging me, 'Please, don't go.'"
And you said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"
So you sneak out to the garden to see me.
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.
So close your eyes; escape this town for a little while.
'Cause I was Romeo, I you were a scarlet letter,
And your daddy said "Stay away from Juliet,"
But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'"
And you said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'
Romeo save me - they're tryin' to tell me how to feel;
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story - baby just say "Yes.'"
Oh.
You got tired of waiting,
Wondering if I was ever comin' around.
Your faith in me was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town,
And you said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in thy head? I don't know what to think-"
I knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet - you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad - go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"
Oh, oh.
We were both young when I first saw you...
Radio's are already being bombarded by songs that tell about love *sweet love - sigh*. Ranking number four on RX 93.1 is a song by Taylor Swift entitled Love Story.
In a nutshell, the song talks about a couple blablabla who fell in love. *By the way, love = crap*
I'll pose the lyrics for the boy version of the song, even though it pains me just reading the lyrics.
We were both young when you first saw me.
You closed your eyes and the flashback starts:
You're standing there on a balcony in summer air.
I See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
And See me make my way through the crowd
to say hello;
Little did you know
That I was Romeo; and was throwing pebbles,
And your daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."
And you were crying on the staircase,
begging me, 'Please, don't go.'"
And you said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"
So you sneak out to the garden to see me.
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.
So close your eyes; escape this town for a little while.
'Cause I was Romeo, I you were a scarlet letter,
And your daddy said "Stay away from Juliet,"
But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'"
And you said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'
Romeo save me - they're tryin' to tell me how to feel;
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story - baby just say "Yes.'"
Oh.
You got tired of waiting,
Wondering if I was ever comin' around.
Your faith in me was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town,
And you said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in thy head? I don't know what to think-"
I knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet - you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad - go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"
Oh, oh.
We were both young when I first saw you...
To The Moon For All I Care
Recently, I have been hearing songs whose titles aren't exactly included in the lyrics of the song.
Odd?
Perhaps not. But still i'm a bit curious on why fallout boy has named that song "I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way Im Trying to Get You Off" an only the phrase "me-e-e-e-e-e-e and you-ooooo setting on a honeymoon.."(no offense FOB) resounds on my head and all over the song.Even coldplay's song called "Viva la Vida" which doenst even have any trace of the lyrics.
But, still, i think its their technique on how they could garner there audiences and apply their profit-oriented strategies.
"The Moon For All I Care Anyone?"
Which brings me yet to another song whose title, is alas, not found on any part of the song. But whats good is the song is recently my ultimate LSS(Last Song Syndrome and sorry Chris Brown, even though Forever was my recent lss, I havent given you spots in my blog, ahahaha..).
Anyway, going back,the song is sung Search The City (I just recently knew the band because of my orgmate).
I'll post the lyrics here and the songs, its up for you to judge whether its beautiful or not.
I'll just critique this song later, i'm studying for finals (T_T),..
hahaha
Lyrics to To The Moon For All I Care :
Don't hold me down
i'm not supposed to feel like i've been holding on for something else
i kept my feet on the ground,
too scared to see how far this could take me
but if i ever leave the ground,
there'd be nowhere to go but down
i'll take these chances just like the way you took a chance on me
i don't have any answers but i've been places and i've seen things
i love the way i said goodbye
this is my exit and your time to shine
so let me go, stop the search cause i found what i'm looking for
just like my favorite scene from my favorite movie
the world was spinning underneath my feet
but this ain't no Hollywood ending
tell me about my future cause i already know my past
let's make up for all the time we've missed
so let's just get this over with
this is just one more mistake i have to live with
so please forgive the escape from the world i hate
i'll take these chances just like the way you took a chance on me
i don't have any answers but i've been places and i've seen things
i've been places and i've seen things
i love the way i said goodbye
this is my exit and your time to shine
so let me go, stop the search cause i found what i'm looking for
just like my favorite scene from my favorite movie
the world was spinning underneath my feet
but this ain't no Hollywood ending
blame it on me, just blame it on me
don't you know i'm coming clean, yeah i'll take the heat
oh you're just about as honest as a liar could ever be
i love the way i said goodbye
this is my exit and your time to shine
so let me go, stop the search cause i found what i'm looking for
just like my favorite scene from my favorite movie
the world was spinning underneath my feet
but this ain't no Hollywood ending
Odd?
Perhaps not. But still i'm a bit curious on why fallout boy has named that song "I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way Im Trying to Get You Off" an only the phrase "me-e-e-e-e-e-e and you-ooooo setting on a honeymoon.."(no offense FOB) resounds on my head and all over the song.Even coldplay's song called "Viva la Vida" which doenst even have any trace of the lyrics.
But, still, i think its their technique on how they could garner there audiences and apply their profit-oriented strategies.
"The Moon For All I Care Anyone?"
Which brings me yet to another song whose title, is alas, not found on any part of the song. But whats good is the song is recently my ultimate LSS(Last Song Syndrome and sorry Chris Brown, even though Forever was my recent lss, I havent given you spots in my blog, ahahaha..).
Anyway, going back,the song is sung Search The City (I just recently knew the band because of my orgmate
I'll post the lyrics here and the songs, its up for you to judge whether its beautiful or not.
I'll just critique this song later, i'm studying for finals (T_T),..
hahaha
Lyrics to To The Moon For All I Care :
Don't hold me down
i'm not supposed to feel like i've been holding on for something else
i kept my feet on the ground,
too scared to see how far this could take me
but if i ever leave the ground,
there'd be nowhere to go but down
i'll take these chances just like the way you took a chance on me
i don't have any answers but i've been places and i've seen things
i love the way i said goodbye
this is my exit and your time to shine
so let me go, stop the search cause i found what i'm looking for
just like my favorite scene from my favorite movie
the world was spinning underneath my feet
but this ain't no Hollywood ending
tell me about my future cause i already know my past
let's make up for all the time we've missed
so let's just get this over with
this is just one more mistake i have to live with
so please forgive the escape from the world i hate
i'll take these chances just like the way you took a chance on me
i don't have any answers but i've been places and i've seen things
i've been places and i've seen things
i love the way i said goodbye
this is my exit and your time to shine
so let me go, stop the search cause i found what i'm looking for
just like my favorite scene from my favorite movie
the world was spinning underneath my feet
but this ain't no Hollywood ending
blame it on me, just blame it on me
don't you know i'm coming clean, yeah i'll take the heat
oh you're just about as honest as a liar could ever be
i love the way i said goodbye
this is my exit and your time to shine
so let me go, stop the search cause i found what i'm looking for
just like my favorite scene from my favorite movie
the world was spinning underneath my feet
but this ain't no Hollywood ending
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Should I End it NOw
Should I End it NOw
December 11th, 2007 by markie990
Under the silent slumber of the city, I lay awake. Beneath me are the promises of a brighter future that went out of hand. The sound of the moving vehicles are very audible, perhaps too much for me too bear. The place where I lie is very cold, so cold. Cold as the hollow space that surrounds me.
Maybe I should end the crackling of the ember that still remains, the ember they call hope. I won’t wait anymore, for it must be soon.
Once again, I lay awake in the cold dark night, for what seemed to be a nightmare from my childhood, yet to my utmost horror, the same nightmare that still lingers on me up to this time. I have always wanted to escape this life, a life of sorrow, a life of beating and a life of nothing but the total emptiness that always engulf me from time to time. I never wanted this, but it always occurs in my mind. I can’t help it; maybe it’s my only option.
Childhood brings me back to my sad plight of escape. An escape from the world’s harsh reality in which no one could accept me even though I try my best. I loved everyone and everything deeply, even the pristine waters that turns to puddles of mud and even the blind man begging for money. I respected life’s way of living, yet, I think that life itself is trying to reject me. I am a believer- a believer of everything, believing in everything without a doubt. No one could stain my faith to my fellowmen, but my fellowmen are the ones that stain my very reason for living.
My dignity is being rubbed out by the very persons that surround me, trying to cradle me to oblivion. I plea for help, but they render me mute every time I do so. They hurt my very soul, and make me cry from the inside, but they never seem to bother and even laugh at me in a mocking tone. Every time they do, I wish I was deaf, but I was never one, they made me hear my desperate cries for escape. They threaten my very existence when I try to pursue my supposedly quiet life.
I shed tears of unknown reasons. They always kept an eye out for me, thinking that I would not do as they say, but I won’t, I was tied to the contract that threatens my whole-being.
Time after time, when I am out of my parents’ eyes, they take me forcefully, I couldn’t do anything, they point dangerous things at me, and the things they say would easily cut my thread of life. I was crying again, but they didn’t bother. They talked in hushed voices, in my little mind, they like were pirates trying to kidnap the princess, but this is not a typical fairy tale, this is reality. They arrived at a house, now they were delirious, while I was in the verge of shouting for help, but I still couldn’t do anything, again, I was stained by the very persons that surround me.
I despised my childhood! I never wanted that childhood of mine. If I were given a choice, I could’ve wished I was never a child. I cried over my stained childhood, cried over my abused childhood, cried over everything. I never learned to forgive them, the people who threatened my very existence. They are the reason why I still suffer. They are the reason why my fellowmen judged me harshly.
I want to end my life now, I want to end the tears flowing through my eyes everytime I remember the disappointment. I want to be free from the bondage that makes me a prisoner to my fate.
But, do I really want to end it?
Seeing everyone around me right now, I think of their story that is very similar to mine. Yes, they cried once in a while, but that never stopped them in believing in life. They never doubted their existence, and they always said that God has plans for them. I had never realized that everything they said made the biggest sense, I have always gone against their optimism, and just pursued with my own sad plans to end my life. They, too, were once stripped of their dignity, but they made it a point to still retrieve their pride. Now I envy them- I envy their optimism, their courage, their faith, and their hope. I remember my parents, they never doubted me, they helped me instead, I should still be thankful.
Maybe, I would not end my life now. Maybe not now, not me.
Under the silent slumber of the city, I lay awake. Beneath me are the promises of a brighter future that are still in the renewed process. The sound of the moving vehicles, are very audible, but now I could bear with it. The place where I lie is now warm, like the love an infant receives from his mother.
Maybe, the crackling of the ember that still remains to what I call hope should still continue to ignite a new passion. I couldn’t wait for the time to come, the time for me to open a new chapter in life.
December 11th, 2007 by markie990
Under the silent slumber of the city, I lay awake. Beneath me are the promises of a brighter future that went out of hand. The sound of the moving vehicles are very audible, perhaps too much for me too bear. The place where I lie is very cold, so cold. Cold as the hollow space that surrounds me.
Maybe I should end the crackling of the ember that still remains, the ember they call hope. I won’t wait anymore, for it must be soon.
Once again, I lay awake in the cold dark night, for what seemed to be a nightmare from my childhood, yet to my utmost horror, the same nightmare that still lingers on me up to this time. I have always wanted to escape this life, a life of sorrow, a life of beating and a life of nothing but the total emptiness that always engulf me from time to time. I never wanted this, but it always occurs in my mind. I can’t help it; maybe it’s my only option.
Childhood brings me back to my sad plight of escape. An escape from the world’s harsh reality in which no one could accept me even though I try my best. I loved everyone and everything deeply, even the pristine waters that turns to puddles of mud and even the blind man begging for money. I respected life’s way of living, yet, I think that life itself is trying to reject me. I am a believer- a believer of everything, believing in everything without a doubt. No one could stain my faith to my fellowmen, but my fellowmen are the ones that stain my very reason for living.
My dignity is being rubbed out by the very persons that surround me, trying to cradle me to oblivion. I plea for help, but they render me mute every time I do so. They hurt my very soul, and make me cry from the inside, but they never seem to bother and even laugh at me in a mocking tone. Every time they do, I wish I was deaf, but I was never one, they made me hear my desperate cries for escape. They threaten my very existence when I try to pursue my supposedly quiet life.
I shed tears of unknown reasons. They always kept an eye out for me, thinking that I would not do as they say, but I won’t, I was tied to the contract that threatens my whole-being.
Time after time, when I am out of my parents’ eyes, they take me forcefully, I couldn’t do anything, they point dangerous things at me, and the things they say would easily cut my thread of life. I was crying again, but they didn’t bother. They talked in hushed voices, in my little mind, they like were pirates trying to kidnap the princess, but this is not a typical fairy tale, this is reality. They arrived at a house, now they were delirious, while I was in the verge of shouting for help, but I still couldn’t do anything, again, I was stained by the very persons that surround me.
I despised my childhood! I never wanted that childhood of mine. If I were given a choice, I could’ve wished I was never a child. I cried over my stained childhood, cried over my abused childhood, cried over everything. I never learned to forgive them, the people who threatened my very existence. They are the reason why I still suffer. They are the reason why my fellowmen judged me harshly.
I want to end my life now, I want to end the tears flowing through my eyes everytime I remember the disappointment. I want to be free from the bondage that makes me a prisoner to my fate.
But, do I really want to end it?
Seeing everyone around me right now, I think of their story that is very similar to mine. Yes, they cried once in a while, but that never stopped them in believing in life. They never doubted their existence, and they always said that God has plans for them. I had never realized that everything they said made the biggest sense, I have always gone against their optimism, and just pursued with my own sad plans to end my life. They, too, were once stripped of their dignity, but they made it a point to still retrieve their pride. Now I envy them- I envy their optimism, their courage, their faith, and their hope. I remember my parents, they never doubted me, they helped me instead, I should still be thankful.
Maybe, I would not end my life now. Maybe not now, not me.
Under the silent slumber of the city, I lay awake. Beneath me are the promises of a brighter future that are still in the renewed process. The sound of the moving vehicles, are very audible, but now I could bear with it. The place where I lie is now warm, like the love an infant receives from his mother.
Maybe, the crackling of the ember that still remains to what I call hope should still continue to ignite a new passion. I couldn’t wait for the time to come, the time for me to open a new chapter in life.
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