Northern Downpour and The Moon

The sky was crying its usual tears, like tomorrow was a day that would lay dead over its own resiliency. Walking along the rivers that escaped their deprecation from their origins, I too was escaping my own deprecations that consumes my very light.

"If all our life is but a dream
Fantastic posing greed
Then we should feed our jewelery to the sea
For diamonds do appear to be
Just like broken glass to me"

Like life on the verge of seeing illusions and fallacies. I see people, consumed by their own selfishness, sinking to the hollow depths on nothing that encompasses their return to mortality. I too was being consumed by the same mundane force that drives no one to sweet sanity. Yet, its still not pushing me down, for I was still holding on to something that, as dreary as the summer's light, was still there, reaching, grasping.

"And then she said she can't believe
Genius only comes along
In storms of fabled foreign tongues
Tripping eyes, and flooded lungs
Northern downpour sends its love"

Intelligence was what people always clamored for, not knowing that intelligence itself was with people all along. A fallacy popularized to be hide in stealth among its seekers. Knowledge was abundant, but we still search for it. It is already standing at our front, in a box, covered in pristine gold of wavering infidelity, but we insist on searching for it beyond our eyes reach. We are already too much engulfed in our humane sorrow and selfishness that we didnt know that we are already falling down.

"Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down"

Down, down, went the rain that washes over our dignity and our sanity. We are being pursued by our sins due to our attempts to climb up the pedestal of false promises. We continue to fall down, forgetting resiliency, forgetting sanity, forgetting life.

Sugarcane in the easy mornin'
Weathervanes my one and lonely

The doom is not promising, for the light of the eternal glory is making bleak responses over our shouts. The light is not deaf, nor are we mute, but we fail to acknowldge the fact of our indifference. The light is already shining, yet we turn blind to the truth we see, we clamor for for the fallacy that we are seemingly being consumed.

The ink is running toward the page
It's chasin' off the days
Look back at boat feet
And that winding knee
I missed your skin when you were east
You clicked your heels and wished for me

We were moving away from our real destination. We are so close to the end of our verses yet we say that we are far. We avoid the lesser of all evils and prefer the ones that stain our hands with blood after dusk has paved its way over the shores of our mundane thinkings. We slowly swim to the shore thinking that we could be saved while we are already being eaten by the sharks of our sins. Placid was the waters but we insist on its blind clarity. We cover up for the greater evil and accuse the lesser evils of the lies.

Through playful lips made of yarn
That fragile Capricorn
Unraveled words like moths upon old scarves
I know the world's a broken bone
But melt your headaches, call it home

We seek home, but home is within ourselves. We are already blind. We are already mute. For we forgot to see the things that lie within our horizons. We were so busy seeking that bounty of the world beyond the sun-filled horizon. We continue to be inflicted by our defects, and we continue to deprecate in our attempts for survival.

Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down

Sugarcane in the easy mornin'
Weathervanes my one and lonely

Sugarcane (hey moon) in
(Hey moon) the easy mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my
(Hey moon) one and lonely

Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)
The easy (hey moon) mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)
One (hey moon) and lonely

Sugarcane (hey moon) in (hey moon)
The easy (hey moon) mornin'
Weathervanes (hey moon) my (hey moon)
One (hey moon) and lonely

Hey moon, please forget to fall down
Hey moon, don't you go down
You are at the top of my lungs
Drawn to the ones who never yawn

Alas, the end has reached its death. But when will our insanity ever put to a halt.

Love Story

Valentines Day is very near, and you could feel the love in the air - couples kissing, hugging, walking while holding hands, exchanging of flowers and chocolates and all sorts of crap that these lovebirds do just to show there affection.

Radio's are already being bombarded by songs that tell about love *sweet love - sigh*. Ranking number four on RX 93.1 is a song by Taylor Swift entitled Love Story.

In a nutshell, the song talks about a couple blablabla who fell in love. *By the way, love = crap*

I'll pose the lyrics for the boy version of the song, even though it pains me just reading the lyrics.

We were both young when you first saw me.
You closed your eyes and the flashback starts:
You're standing there on a balcony in summer air.

I See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.
And See me make my way through the crowd
to say hello;

Little did you know
That I was Romeo; and was throwing pebbles,
And your daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet."
And you were crying on the staircase,
begging me, 'Please, don't go.'"

And you said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"

So you sneak out to the garden to see me.
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew.
So close your eyes; escape this town for a little while.
'Cause I was Romeo, I you were a scarlet letter,
And your daddy said "Stay away from Juliet,"
But you were everything to me; I was begging you, 'Please, don't go,'"

And you said,
"Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting; all there's left to do is run.
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'

Romeo save me - they're tryin' to tell me how to feel;
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid; we'll make it out of this mess.
It's a love story - baby just say "Yes.'"

Oh.

You got tired of waiting,
Wondering if I was ever comin' around.
Your faith in me was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town,

And you said,
"Romeo save me - I've been feeling so alone.
I keep waiting for you but you never come.
Is this in thy head? I don't know what to think-"

I knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said,
"Marry me, Juliet - you'll never have to be alone.
I love you and that's all I really know.
I talked to your dad - go pick out a white dress;
It's a love story - baby just say 'Yes.'"

Oh, oh.

We were both young when I first saw you...

To The Moon For All I Care

Recently, I have been hearing songs whose titles aren't exactly included in the lyrics of the song.
Odd?
Perhaps not. But still i'm a bit curious on why fallout boy has named that song "I'm Like A Lawyer With The Way Im Trying to Get You Off" an only the phrase "me-e-e-e-e-e-e and you-ooooo setting on a honeymoon.."(no offense FOB) resounds on my head and all over the song.Even coldplay's song called "Viva la Vida" which doenst even have any trace of the lyrics.
But, still, i think its their technique on how they could garner there audiences and apply their profit-oriented strategies.
"The Moon For All I Care Anyone?"
Which brings me yet to another song whose title, is alas, not found on any part of the song. But whats good is the song is recently my ultimate LSS(Last Song Syndrome and sorry Chris Brown, even though Forever was my recent lss, I havent given you spots in my blog, ahahaha..).
Anyway, going back,the song is sung Search The City (I just recently knew the band because of my orgmate ).
I'll post the lyrics here and the songs, its up for you to judge whether its beautiful or not.
I'll just critique this song later, i'm studying for finals (T_T),..
hahaha

Lyrics to To The Moon For All I Care :
Don't hold me down
i'm not supposed to feel like i've been holding on for something else
i kept my feet on the ground,
too scared to see how far this could take me
but if i ever leave the ground,
there'd be nowhere to go but down

i'll take these chances just like the way you took a chance on me
i don't have any answers but i've been places and i've seen things

i love the way i said goodbye
this is my exit and your time to shine
so let me go, stop the search cause i found what i'm looking for
just like my favorite scene from my favorite movie
the world was spinning underneath my feet
but this ain't no Hollywood ending

tell me about my future cause i already know my past
let's make up for all the time we've missed
so let's just get this over with
this is just one more mistake i have to live with
so please forgive the escape from the world i hate

i'll take these chances just like the way you took a chance on me
i don't have any answers but i've been places and i've seen things
i've been places and i've seen things

i love the way i said goodbye
this is my exit and your time to shine
so let me go, stop the search cause i found what i'm looking for
just like my favorite scene from my favorite movie
the world was spinning underneath my feet
but this ain't no Hollywood ending

blame it on me, just blame it on me
don't you know i'm coming clean, yeah i'll take the heat
oh you're just about as honest as a liar could ever be

i love the way i said goodbye
this is my exit and your time to shine
so let me go, stop the search cause i found what i'm looking for
just like my favorite scene from my favorite movie
the world was spinning underneath my feet
but this ain't no Hollywood ending

Should I End it NOw

Should I End it NOw
December 11th, 2007 by markie990

Under the silent slumber of the city, I lay awake. Beneath me are the promises of a brighter future that went out of hand. The sound of the moving vehicles are very audible, perhaps too much for me too bear. The place where I lie is very cold, so cold. Cold as the hollow space that surrounds me.

Maybe I should end the crackling of the ember that still remains, the ember they call hope. I won’t wait anymore, for it must be soon.

Once again, I lay awake in the cold dark night, for what seemed to be a nightmare from my childhood, yet to my utmost horror, the same nightmare that still lingers on me up to this time. I have always wanted to escape this life, a life of sorrow, a life of beating and a life of nothing but the total emptiness that always engulf me from time to time. I never wanted this, but it always occurs in my mind. I can’t help it; maybe it’s my only option.

Childhood brings me back to my sad plight of escape. An escape from the world’s harsh reality in which no one could accept me even though I try my best. I loved everyone and everything deeply, even the pristine waters that turns to puddles of mud and even the blind man begging for money. I respected life’s way of living, yet, I think that life itself is trying to reject me. I am a believer- a believer of everything, believing in everything without a doubt. No one could stain my faith to my fellowmen, but my fellowmen are the ones that stain my very reason for living.
My dignity is being rubbed out by the very persons that surround me, trying to cradle me to oblivion. I plea for help, but they render me mute every time I do so. They hurt my very soul, and make me cry from the inside, but they never seem to bother and even laugh at me in a mocking tone. Every time they do, I wish I was deaf, but I was never one, they made me hear my desperate cries for escape. They threaten my very existence when I try to pursue my supposedly quiet life.
I shed tears of unknown reasons. They always kept an eye out for me, thinking that I would not do as they say, but I won’t, I was tied to the contract that threatens my whole-being.

Time after time, when I am out of my parents’ eyes, they take me forcefully, I couldn’t do anything, they point dangerous things at me, and the things they say would easily cut my thread of life. I was crying again, but they didn’t bother. They talked in hushed voices, in my little mind, they like were pirates trying to kidnap the princess, but this is not a typical fairy tale, this is reality. They arrived at a house, now they were delirious, while I was in the verge of shouting for help, but I still couldn’t do anything, again, I was stained by the very persons that surround me.

I despised my childhood! I never wanted that childhood of mine. If I were given a choice, I could’ve wished I was never a child. I cried over my stained childhood, cried over my abused childhood, cried over everything. I never learned to forgive them, the people who threatened my very existence. They are the reason why I still suffer. They are the reason why my fellowmen judged me harshly.

I want to end my life now, I want to end the tears flowing through my eyes everytime I remember the disappointment. I want to be free from the bondage that makes me a prisoner to my fate.
But, do I really want to end it?

Seeing everyone around me right now, I think of their story that is very similar to mine. Yes, they cried once in a while, but that never stopped them in believing in life. They never doubted their existence, and they always said that God has plans for them. I had never realized that everything they said made the biggest sense, I have always gone against their optimism, and just pursued with my own sad plans to end my life. They, too, were once stripped of their dignity, but they made it a point to still retrieve their pride. Now I envy them- I envy their optimism, their courage, their faith, and their hope. I remember my parents, they never doubted me, they helped me instead, I should still be thankful.

Maybe, I would not end my life now. Maybe not now, not me.
Under the silent slumber of the city, I lay awake. Beneath me are the promises of a brighter future that are still in the renewed process. The sound of the moving vehicles, are very audible, but now I could bear with it. The place where I lie is now warm, like the love an infant receives from his mother.

Maybe, the crackling of the ember that still remains to what I call hope should still continue to ignite a new passion. I couldn’t wait for the time to come, the time for me to open a new chapter in life.

I Hate Idiots!

Oh! Girl From Hell, please give me your straw doll and i'll gladly pull the red yarn to let that idiot perish.

Yup, yes guys, you read it right. Im wishing that one of my classmates would perish, and by perishing I mean that he ought to be casted off to a deserted island with no one to offer solace to his monotonous life.

Corny? You think I wish him dead? Fat Chance! I don't wish people death, I just wish them some sort of hell-on-earth kind of scenario.

What made me think to curse him and resent him more than my current temperance can hold, well, here's the story.

It started on a really faithful monday. Yes, faithful mondays, and I don't even know how it became faithful (loser much?). Then second period starts and we have to be grouped according to our grouping in the fish bowl activity (I didnt know why that was fish bowl, because there were no bowls, only fish, and we drew the fish. WTF!). To my misfortune and my other groupmates misfortune, we were still grouped with, uhhmm, I dont know his name, or I just swore never to mention such a vile and disgusting name.

Fact is, I really dont pay attention to him, and we all dont pay attention to him. His a filthy attention seeker that does nothing good in this world and only sleeps to generate nothin in particular. He is lazy! He smells! He is hairy (I think he is related ti Bigfoot or some hairy beasts). He keeps on looking at his foot, scratches it then, smells his hand, pick his nose afterwards, and create booger-balls out of it.

TO SUMMARIZE WHAT HE IS, HE IS A COMPLETE LOSER WHO A NORMAL HUMAN BEING CANT STAY WITH EVEN FOR A FRACTION OF A SECOND. WHEN YOU MEET HIM FACE-TO-FACE, ITS LIKE GOING TO HELL AND BACK, IF YOU SURVIVE THE ENCOUNTER.

I HATE HIM! HE IS SUCH A LOSER! NO PROFANITY IS EVER ENOUGH TO DESCRIBE HIM. THAT IS HOW VILE AND ANNOYING HE IS.

Going back to the story. I wasnt really paying attention to him. Then out of the blue he just said this exact words "You know, the way you talk, you sound like a USED CAR SALESMAN, NO INSULT HERE."

Please forgive me..

PUTANG INA MO DUDE!!

No insult? Yeah right, and princess Diana is going back to life.

What do you mean no insult, you really are stupid! You dont even know what you are talking about! You dont even care you piece of s***!!

You dont care how I talk, you dont care how I do it! Its my way, its my life. Besides you are the only one whose complaining! No one complains, they bear with it, and just try to ask me later what I was talking about!

AND YOU ON THE OTHER HAND THINK YOURE SOME AWESOME GUY WHOSE SO WELL VERSED IN TALKING THAT YOU THINK YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO JUDGE AND RIDICULE OTHER PEOPLE! HOW DARE YOU! I DONT EVEN COUNT YOU AS A PERSON AND I DONT EVEN TALK TO YOU! YET OUT OF THE BLUE YOU THINK YOURE SOME GREAT SPEAKER!

DIE! F*** Y**!!

PLEASE GO AWAY FROM MY LIFE YOU DEMON!!

YOU ARE A COMPLETE FILTH, A WASTE OF MONEY. HOW COME YOU EVEN PASSED DE LA SALLE UNIVERSITY! MAYBE YOUR A WITCH, AND HEXED ALL THE TEST PAPERS!!

YOU MAKE ME SICK! YOU MAKE ME PUKE! YOU MAKE ME THINK THAT A SHIT SMELLS LIKE FLOWER COMPARED TO YOU!!

I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!
I HATE YOU!

AND EVERYTIME I REMEMBER THAT TIME, I JUST FUME UP AND MAKE ME THINK WAYS ON HOW TO GET BACK!

PLEASE HELP ME GOD, I NEED RETRIBUTION FOR MY ANGER AND DIVINE INTERVENTION OVER HIS CRUMBLING LIFE..


PS:
PLEASE FORGIVE THE ALL CAPS AND THE PROFANITIES. I'M JUST SO MAD!

Vague - Unseen - Unscathe

Maybe i'm blind, or worse, maybe im deaf, even worse, is that maybe im not paying attention. I have this song stuck in my head singing la-la-la over and over again-prevalent, without pauses. Maybe im delussional for im singing an empty song that resounds on unsensibility. Maybe you deem me psychotic, but psychosis itself is not interjecting the veil that shadows the darkness. Or maybe im a lunatic, begging for the solace that completely resounds nothing.

Tinkering my music box. Crossing a maze. Getting Gyges ring. Learning to fly. Swimming in a pond. Running in a thunderstorm.

Im crazy perhaps if I want to do these things. I want to traverse the unveiled possibilities that is hidden between a tantamount of mist. I want to cross a boundary that remains unscathe, a boundary that leaves me gasping for air when I resurface the water. A boundary that leaves me wet when I cross a sea of flames, and a boundary that still makes me a prisoner to my own desires.

Let me count the ways in which my redemption could somehow overshadow my failures. Let me disprove the ways in which my redemptions are all but futile. I will make you see what things I hold. But, I will also make you blind when you question me what lies in my palms.

Let us see what tomorrow beholds, at when nightfall starts, let us see where the lights will take us..

Positivism

Tagumpay!

Yes, that is my battlecry for todays undertakings.

I guess I rather start out positive so I could get positive results, like if you want something, the whole conspires for you to achieve it (Paolo Coelho much?), that sort of thing. So if I really want to finish this "monster", then I might as well hope that I could really finish it.

MP - the monsters that terrorizes the lives of Computer Science students.
- if you're not a computer geek, prepared your self sucked into a roller coaster of demise and intellectual death(is it just me?).

Thats how I define MP, but, take note of the but, i'm still positive that I can finish this before the week would end (hopefully).

I know its quite vulgar and rash to define a lifeless thing as a monster that sucks out your intelligence. It really is true for me, or am I just a plain passivist over things that challenges the intellectual capability.

Maybe yes, maybe no, maybe i'll abstain.

But one thing is rest assured, I will finish finish this, even though the funds are low and the stakes are high.

*Rest if you must, but don't you quit*

Starting New, Starting Fresh

Yes, that's right, i would be starting out with my blogspot again..

Call It divine intervention or something that I would once again write blogs that I once left stagnant over some time. You might as well juxtapose this new blog to my old one's.

Heck, this time, i'm starting all over again, starting over when twilight has finished its ballad and the crimson has started to sing its songs. I'm starting all over again, over the ironies that engulf the prestige that has once been downrooted to the depths of the land below. This time, I would be writing over the pleasures that sweeps over the ecstacy when euphoria has failed to save the inert lunacy that has taken place.

Lunacy...


Ecstacy...


Now that I think of those words, I get by a roller coaster sensations that makes me want to go overboard my current limits. Overboard the present norm that I am bounded to. And overboard the routinary prison that I am chained in.

Laugh with me...


Cry with me...


Lets make fun out of senseless things...


Lets make fun over people who sleep over when the bells toll...


Lets fly over the sky when the birds already failed their flight...


Lets live when the other failed to be immortal...


Lets create ironies when the world creates metaphors...


Lets say yes when they say no, and say no when they say yes...


Lets jump even when we dont want to...


Lets laugh when others are crying...


and lets rejoice, even when theres nothing to celebrate about...


I would once again face the ironies that chained me to the world of literary heresy. But those were the chains that made me a prisoner to my own desires. I want to be free but I dont want.

Let's wait and see when tomorrow's dusk is replaced yesterdays dawn.

Let's smile when lightning flashes over a rainbow.

Let's cry when I became free of the chains that bound me to my world.

I Done Thirty Percent of My MP!

******a!!!

I've done my freakin' machine problem(probably 30% but that's a lot).

But, what made me seem like really stupid that, for a lot of hours yesterday, today up to this time, I wasted a lot of time contemplating on what the error was, and you want to know what it is?

You really want to??

IT WAS JUST A FREAKIN' FUDGIN' AND DELIRIOUSLY CAPITAL LETTER. A CAPITAL LETTER D THAT MADE MY LIFE HELL FOR HOURS AND HOURS OF THINKING OF THE POSSIBLE LINKER ERROR!.

But still, i'm quite happy that I was able to find a solution to my problem, even though it costed me time, a freakin headache and a throbbing teeth...

Dude! These are the things you get to experience in CCS - DLSU..

*I'm shuddering from the aircon, my head is aching so much maybe i would eat, to make it feel better*

The MP Mind Monologue..

11:11 am October 23, 2008


Sitting in a far corner of the schools conservatory (please no, i'm not a priest nor a nun), while contemplating over an impossible feat of giving a solution to an intellectual problem, the machine problem.

11:13 am

I'm still sitting in that far corner, with my nose almost pressed to my laptop's screen, thinking of ways on how to debug this single error:

[Linker error] undefined reference to `display'

ld returned 1 exit status

I don't get it, I passed all the balues necessary for it to be read in the main function.

BUMMER!

11:15 am

I was able to create a unified structure that has all the variables in it so my freakin' compiler would have no difficult time tracing my codes.

*shuddering while pressing f9*

still no luck, it still showed the same error, maybe somethings wrong with my codes, I must check it, maybe I had forgotten than semi-colon.

NO! I DON'T HAVE OTHER ERRORS BUT THAT LINKER...

*shuddering and looking at the screen*

I have these variables correct and these, and that, maybe this is wrong, no! It's row wise so I should have nRow there, yes maybe this one has to be here and this should be, NO! aAnswer should be this and that, maybe cLetters would be passed, but I already tired that one. maybe this, ok lets try f9 again..

******a!

no luck!

11:20

Im on the verge of giving up, maybe just maybe I would have my last shot, and my last laugh.

Okay, I will still try...

I'm not giving up, wait for me oh' citadel of knowledge I shall be able to pledge my allegiance than no sooner than you say that the damsel is once again in distress...

In An Idle MInd : Myself

What in the world would I compose in an empty stretch of electronic paper with an idle mind?

Would it be psychotic thoughts that run amock in my mind amidst my shallow shell?

Would I waste my so-called "golden time" to relate my happiness, misery, anger, or my superficial human exhausts?

Would I care if I was provoked by the entire society I seemingly not even a single care in the world I would ponder at?

Let me look for ways in which I could waste my time, waste my energy, waste anything left to be wasted.

I can't seem to find my place in the world, and that's my biggest problem, thank you very much. I always stare at nothing in particular, contemplating if I was a complete failure or whether i would emerge victorious.

Seemingly Impossible - The MP Problem

Please excuse the monotonous intorduction.

I'm on a trance and on a writing spree. Hear hear!

By this time a I should be doing a freaking machine problem that I have to accomplis h two weeks before hand, and in fact im hopeful, yet loosing hope. To make matters worst, I can't seem to come up with any correct solution for this freakin' linker error (sorry but if you don't know what a linker error is, you might as well not know it, it's for your own sanity). In fact, i'm losing moments of sanity here while skirmishing and attacking myself with senseless things like I already passes this variable to that variable, yada yada yada.

It's so difficult. It is trust me. Well, if you find it easy, I would render my eternal servitude for you just to help me understand these things. Anyone up for grabs?

The fact is, I REALLY DON'T KNOW.

Please excuse my bluntness but I really dont have a single idea (well, I have a lot of ideas but I exhausted all those to no possible extent) on how to debug this thing, this monster, this abomination that has been giving me migraines for about three months. I really need help, I really need understanding, and I really need painkillers for my headache.

Spare me more time, I might give this thing a life of its own. Buy me more time and I might be able to make this thing work. Shower me with more time and I might even pass it for glittering gold.

Please justify any means that I could alleviate my idiotic plight for learning, but in fact that idiotic plight is more moronic.

Forgive me Lord if i'm cursing on my head right now on whoever gave birth to machine problems, for they gave inception to a walking problem disaster itself. But maybe, just maybe, those who invented the machine problem is a delinquent or a problem of the society as well.

Please forgive me oh souls of the departed delinquents, please dont haunt me in my nightmares or in my dormitory, I will pray for your delinquent souls to be at peace, and i might (just might, no promises here dude) make a solution to this problem.

Now, im at the last paragraph, dreading its end, because I would be going back to the headache that started it all.