So I just saw this picture of me, and how I can see that my emotional maturity hasn't even change on a very large scale. Well, I thought I could disprove a lot of facts about myself, but sometimes, really, its still the same. Yes, I'm a very maladaptive guy (according to PERSEF3) and I have tendencies to create different faces depending on the situation.
Of course, I end up hurting myself a lot big time. And yah, I'm starting to regret a lot of decisions that I ended up doing this year. I wanna quit some, but I don't want them to reflect on me. Of course, its a lot of benefits for me in the long run, but I'm no longer enjoying.
Urgh, I'm confused now and I don't know what I'm writing anymore. I confused because I don't know why and I don't wanna care, but I don't wanna let it boil up either. I hate my life right now. I hate seeing people right now. I'm back to my destructive self. I hate the sad reality of what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm hating again and I swore I'd never hate again.
I just wanna punch someone randomly in the face. I wanna punch the mirror. I just wanna feel pain, then just wallow up in the back like some lost dog.
Fuck this life. I wanna sleep and wake up when all of this is over.
Sometimes, screw the thought that I started this, then I should end this. Stop now please.
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